Monday, January 27, 2014

NOW THAT'S PUNNY!


• I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• German sausage jokes are the Wurst.

• A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

• This dyslexic man walks into a bra ….

• I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils.

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus .

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

• All the toilets in Boston police stations have been stolen; police say they have nothing to go on.

• I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro - what a rip off!

• Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

"The Importance of Goal Setting" by Zig Ziglar


"If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want."
Zig Ziglar
 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

SULI BREAKS!

"WE WILL NOT LET EXAM RESULTS DECIDE OUR FATE." -Suli Breaks


0:25
Ima have to let spoken word do what it does best,
0:27
and let it speak for itself. Brand new Suli Breaks!!
0:44
Right now,
0:45
there is a kid finishing parents evening in a heated discussion with his mother.
0:48
Saying:
0:50
"Why does he have subject subjects he will never ever use in his life?"
0:54
And she will look at him blank eyed
0:56
stifle a sigh think for a second And then lie
1:00
She'll say something along the lines of,
1:01
"You know to get a good job you need a good degree and these subjects help you get a degree
1:05
,we never had this opportunity when i was younger"
1:10
and he will reply.
1:12
but "You were young a long time ago weren't you mum?"
1:15
and she won't respond although what he implies makes perfect sense that societies needs
1:21
would have changed since she was 16.
1:23
But she will ignore him grip his hand more sternly and drag him to the car.
1:28
What she doesn't know,
1:30
is that,she didn't ignore him just to shut him up
1:33
She didn't lie because they are just returning him from parents evening
1:36
And an argument in the hallway would look bad on her resume.
1:39
She won't lie because she had just spent the last hour
1:42
convincing a stern face teacher that she ensure that her child studies more
1:46
at home.
1:48
NO! She will lie simply, because she does
1:52
know any better herself. Although all her adult life she has never used or applied,
1:57
Pythagoras Therom, Pathetic Fallacy, And still does not know, the value of "X"
2:01
She will rely society to tells her child who has one of the sharpest minds in the school,
2:05
is unfocused, hyperactive easily distracted and wayward.
2:11
Students!
2:13
How many equations, subjects, dates did you memorise just before an exam
2:16
never to use again
2:18
How many "A" grades did you get,
2:21
which were never aksed for when applying for a job?
2:22
How many times have you remembered something 5 mins after the teacher has said "Stop writing"
2:26
Only to
2:27
receive your results a month later to realise that you were only
2:31
1 mark short of the top grade?
2:33
Does that mean remembering 5 mins earlier would have made you more qualified
2:35
for a particular job? Well, on an application form it would have.
2:39
We all
2:41
different ability,thought processes,experiences
2:42
and genes So why is a class full of individuals
2:47
tested by the same means? That means Cherrelle thinks she's dumb,because she couldn't do a couple sums,
2:51
And if this issue is not addressed properly
2:55
It then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy!
2:57
Then every school has the audacity to have policy on equality!
3:03
"Huh" the irony!!
3:04
Exams are society's methods of telling you what your worth
3:07
But, you can't let society can't tell you what you are. Because this is the same society,
3:12
that tells you, that abortion is wrong, but then looks down on teenage parents!
3:15
The same society, thats sells products to promote natural hair, looks and smooth complexion
3:20
with the model on the box, half photoshopped, has fake lashes and hair extensions. With pastors
3:25
that preach charity, but own private jets. Imams that preach against greed, but are all fat.
3:29
Parents that say they want "educated kids" bit constantly marvel at how rich Richard Branson is.
3:34
Governments, that preach peace, but endorse war. That say
3:38
they believe so much in the importance of higher education and further learning
3:43
and then why increase tuition fees every single year?!?
3:47
I believed Miss Jeffersoon when she took me into the office said that my exams would be
3:51
imperative to my success.
3:53
Because we were taught to always follow when Miss Jefferson Led.
3:56
Then I took Jefferson out of the equation,
3:58
learnt to think for myself
3:59
I realized, we were always taught to follow when misled.
4:04
"Huh" the irony.
4:09
Test us with tests, But the finals are never final,
4:12
because they never prepare us for the biggest test which is survival!
4:15
And what I suggest is fairly outlandish I don't except everyone to understand this.
4:19
Except for the kid that knows what it feels like to be Worth no more
4:24
Worth no more than that D or that A That you receive on results day. The ones whose best stories
4:28
Where never good enough for your English teacher. Because apparently you missed out
4:31
key literal techniques Did not follow the class plan,
4:34
And the language was too "informal" for
4:35
him to understand. But then he'd reference Hamlet, Macbeth
4:39
And you'd fight the urge to express your contempt
4:41
by partially clenching your fist with only your medius finger left protruding in the
4:45
middle of your hand,
4:46
And asking if he was aware that Shakespeare was known as the innovator of slang.
4:50
Or the kid at the back of the class who thinks,
4:52
Why I'm a studying something that doesn't fuel my drive?
4:55
But when confronted with a maths problem his eyes come alive!!
4:58
So this one is for my generation The ones that found what they were looking for on Google
5:02
the ones who followed their dreams on Twitter, pictured their future on Instagram,
5:06
accepted destiny on Facebook.This ones for my "failures" and "dropouts"
5:10
For my unemployed graduates. My shop assistants, cleaners and cashiers with bigger dreams!!
5:14
My world changers and dream chasers!!
5:18
Because purpose of "Why I hate school, but love education" was not
5:22
to initiate a world wide debate,
5:23
but to let them know that whether 72
5:26
or 88
5:28
44 or 68.
5:32
We will not let an exam results decide our fate. Peace

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

"New Year's Day is every man's birthday." -Charles Lamb